Relationship eventually turn to get more lonely.
Lonely not because of one of the person is not by our side when we need him or her,
but because our heart is lonely, for putting endless effort to make him or her happy,
and succeeded to create a happy relationship because he or she is happy.
So why would you feel lonely?
Because you forgotten to put effort to make yourself happy in this relationship.
And the other half eventually belief that the current way is the exact way for both of you to be happy.
This is how, happy relationship turn into lonely relationship.
But it's not, it's actually the lonely relationship is covered up with a happy mask.
But it's not, it's actually you are the one that has a lonely heart.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
What are you loving at?
Read the story below:
A guy deeply attracted to a girl whom he met some time ago. Every thing is perfect in his eyes: the way she smile, the things she talk, the things that she like, how she think about life, and etc. It took a long time for the guy to think if he should confess to ask for her permission to become his partner, and risk affecting both of their friendship. Eventually, the guy decided to date her out and confess his feeling to her. The girl is surprised at first as she never thought about how the guy feel about her. A lot of hesitation occurred between them but since the guy isn't bad for her, she decided to accept him and give it a try.
When they finally got together, a lot of embarrassing but sweet moments between them. They are so shy and feeling awkward when holding each other hand, buying gift for the other half, sitting side by side when they are having a meal, telling sweet words.... but all those are sweet and memorable. The guy think that he is blessed with the best person in the world so he told himself that he will do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy, and the girl truly believe that the guy is sincere so he must be the right man and she will fall deeply into this relationship.
About a year later after the honeymoon period ended, they found themselves involving in quarrels and arguments that doesn't bring them to anywhere. They can argue for minor things and in the end, all they had are hurtful feeling that expecting to occur sooner or later, and without expecting their argument to stop. And as part of expectation, they eventually see more ugly side of each other that causes both of them to think that the other half had changed and this is totally different from the beginning, and totally different from their ideal relationship and the person they want to be with.
To cut things short, both of them come to a point to realize that this relationship definitely not going to work, and it's only a waste of time trying to fix anything between them. So any of the side will go ahead to ask for a breakup. The other side hesitate for some time. He or she felt that it's a pity to call it off but after experiencing all those sad and hurtful moment, they understood that repeating those moments are meaningless and it's only fighting for the sake of releasing their negative emotions and thoughts. So they decided to break up and both go separate ways.
As an ending of the story, you may or may not think that this is nothing uncommon, this is a cycle that keep making people fall into it since a long time ago, and it's still occurring today, and probably there is no end for it. For such cycle, everyone has their own thoughts because we may not experience this ourselves, but we seen too much of real life situation so we all have our own specific opinion to think that which part of the entire cycle had gone wrong, how it should be fix to avoid the sad ending, and what or who should be blame at certain point.
Looking back and think deeper onto the story above,
can you say that the guy is not sincere to think that he wanted to protect her and make her happy, and all he said was just nice but untrue promise?
Can you say that the guy just want to get the girl and take it as his own achievement?
Can you say that the girl is sincerely wanting the guy to be her only one, and she will fall into deep love without any hesitation and precaution?
Can you say that the girl is a victim because the guy did not fulfill his promise?
Can you say that the guy is a victim because she did not behave the same as how she is in the beginning?
Whatever opinion or thoughts you have, all those are meaningful only if both person in the relationship know what are they loving at in the relationship.
It's not that the guy just want to get the girl and he doesn't care for her,
it's not that the guy making the promise because it's sounds nice and that's make him feel like he is loving,
it's not that the guy putting on a mask in the beginning so the girl didn't see his ugly side,
it's not that the guy feel like the intimacy is fading and it's time to look for another one so he refuse to solve any quarrel or argument,
it's not that the girl sees the guy ugly side so she just push all blame to the guy and think it's fine to practice her ugly side too,
it's not that the girl wasn't sincere about her own feeling to trust this guy to be her only one in that time,
it's not that the girl think that it's easier to turn to another guy so she probably can have a better life,
it's not that the girl became more demanding so quarrel and argument are easier to occur when the guy facing such pressure,
and it's not that both of them just want to enjoy the initial intimacy, refuse to face any problems together, and doesn't have any desire to maintain the relationship and move to the higher level.
Most of the people in the relationship wanted to achieve the best ending in their own view. It's just that, love can easily lost track and lead people to consider and feel all sort of natural feeling when we are together with the other half, and to practice to think we ought to behave as "who we are" instead of "who we should be". When we practice the mindset to be ourselves instead of restrain our true feeling and behavior, you tend to make more mistakes for making people to know, understand, and accept your value. As time goes by, you create a trend where you need your partner to accept many parts of yourselves, but there's a high chance that you miss out one important thing: how do you expect others to accept your own value using their own perception? Do remember that not being "who we are" doesn't mean you definitely have to lead to fulfilling other people expectation and selflessly contributing to others without treating ourselves well.
"What are you loving at" is an important question, and one crucial fact that people eventually forgot. People can have a clear view on this in the beginning of the relationship because everything was pure and simple. It's easy to know what they are loving at when they only focus on the smile and good things that can be seen. In the beginning, love is simple, pure and clear. Even if a simple smile can be the only reason to be happy. But when both person get to experience more of each other thinking and behavior, these pure feeling are covered up by many negative disguise that causes confusion to remember what we love that person at the first place, especially when both person still experiencing hurtful feeling time by time.
The danger behind forgetting what are you loving at is that, you focus your feeling more on other things instead of love. That's explain why people think that love doesn't exist after they involved in a relationship for a long time. Not because it never exist at all, but because they forgotten that love actually exist, but right now their feeling is focus on other things. What's more? The beautiful smile that make you fall in love in the first place might seems nothing special now, or maybe you felt like there is something wrong with him or her. That is, many of your view had changed and things are becoming more complicated in order to be happy in this relationship.
Relationships that turn into responsibility is one common situation where one or both person totally forgotten about what they suppose to love at. When one person contribute or have his or her commitment in a relationship for the sake of responsibility, he or she tend to treat things more like a job or something he or she should do, instead of something that they do to feel happy about it. If you willing to do something for the other half or for your own relationship, it's natural that you feel happy about it without any reason. It's not that commit and contribute for the sake of responsibility won't work in relationship, but as a human being, we are born to hope that we can be more happy and joyful in whatever we do, rather than doing things because "we need to do it". If you know what are you loving at, you know the exact reason to love what you are doing and you will be happy about it. Otherwise, you feel like you need to do everything to create a good result and if it's not, then you and other party is going to suffer.
Finally, you might not think that knowing what you loving at is important because you don't see how it can make everything to be better. If you are thinking in this way, you are focusing on the physical result that can be seen and measured but the main point behind this is a matter of mindset, and mindset is the main culprit behind all feeling and perception, which is something you really need to look through and understand that could make everything better, if you know how to use the right mindset to see and decide things.
A guy deeply attracted to a girl whom he met some time ago. Every thing is perfect in his eyes: the way she smile, the things she talk, the things that she like, how she think about life, and etc. It took a long time for the guy to think if he should confess to ask for her permission to become his partner, and risk affecting both of their friendship. Eventually, the guy decided to date her out and confess his feeling to her. The girl is surprised at first as she never thought about how the guy feel about her. A lot of hesitation occurred between them but since the guy isn't bad for her, she decided to accept him and give it a try.
When they finally got together, a lot of embarrassing but sweet moments between them. They are so shy and feeling awkward when holding each other hand, buying gift for the other half, sitting side by side when they are having a meal, telling sweet words.... but all those are sweet and memorable. The guy think that he is blessed with the best person in the world so he told himself that he will do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy, and the girl truly believe that the guy is sincere so he must be the right man and she will fall deeply into this relationship.
About a year later after the honeymoon period ended, they found themselves involving in quarrels and arguments that doesn't bring them to anywhere. They can argue for minor things and in the end, all they had are hurtful feeling that expecting to occur sooner or later, and without expecting their argument to stop. And as part of expectation, they eventually see more ugly side of each other that causes both of them to think that the other half had changed and this is totally different from the beginning, and totally different from their ideal relationship and the person they want to be with.
To cut things short, both of them come to a point to realize that this relationship definitely not going to work, and it's only a waste of time trying to fix anything between them. So any of the side will go ahead to ask for a breakup. The other side hesitate for some time. He or she felt that it's a pity to call it off but after experiencing all those sad and hurtful moment, they understood that repeating those moments are meaningless and it's only fighting for the sake of releasing their negative emotions and thoughts. So they decided to break up and both go separate ways.
As an ending of the story, you may or may not think that this is nothing uncommon, this is a cycle that keep making people fall into it since a long time ago, and it's still occurring today, and probably there is no end for it. For such cycle, everyone has their own thoughts because we may not experience this ourselves, but we seen too much of real life situation so we all have our own specific opinion to think that which part of the entire cycle had gone wrong, how it should be fix to avoid the sad ending, and what or who should be blame at certain point.
Looking back and think deeper onto the story above,
can you say that the guy is not sincere to think that he wanted to protect her and make her happy, and all he said was just nice but untrue promise?
Can you say that the guy just want to get the girl and take it as his own achievement?
Can you say that the girl is sincerely wanting the guy to be her only one, and she will fall into deep love without any hesitation and precaution?
Can you say that the girl is a victim because the guy did not fulfill his promise?
Can you say that the guy is a victim because she did not behave the same as how she is in the beginning?
Whatever opinion or thoughts you have, all those are meaningful only if both person in the relationship know what are they loving at in the relationship.
It's not that the guy just want to get the girl and he doesn't care for her,
it's not that the guy making the promise because it's sounds nice and that's make him feel like he is loving,
it's not that the guy putting on a mask in the beginning so the girl didn't see his ugly side,
it's not that the guy feel like the intimacy is fading and it's time to look for another one so he refuse to solve any quarrel or argument,
it's not that the girl sees the guy ugly side so she just push all blame to the guy and think it's fine to practice her ugly side too,
it's not that the girl wasn't sincere about her own feeling to trust this guy to be her only one in that time,
it's not that the girl think that it's easier to turn to another guy so she probably can have a better life,
it's not that the girl became more demanding so quarrel and argument are easier to occur when the guy facing such pressure,
and it's not that both of them just want to enjoy the initial intimacy, refuse to face any problems together, and doesn't have any desire to maintain the relationship and move to the higher level.
Most of the people in the relationship wanted to achieve the best ending in their own view. It's just that, love can easily lost track and lead people to consider and feel all sort of natural feeling when we are together with the other half, and to practice to think we ought to behave as "who we are" instead of "who we should be". When we practice the mindset to be ourselves instead of restrain our true feeling and behavior, you tend to make more mistakes for making people to know, understand, and accept your value. As time goes by, you create a trend where you need your partner to accept many parts of yourselves, but there's a high chance that you miss out one important thing: how do you expect others to accept your own value using their own perception? Do remember that not being "who we are" doesn't mean you definitely have to lead to fulfilling other people expectation and selflessly contributing to others without treating ourselves well.
"What are you loving at" is an important question, and one crucial fact that people eventually forgot. People can have a clear view on this in the beginning of the relationship because everything was pure and simple. It's easy to know what they are loving at when they only focus on the smile and good things that can be seen. In the beginning, love is simple, pure and clear. Even if a simple smile can be the only reason to be happy. But when both person get to experience more of each other thinking and behavior, these pure feeling are covered up by many negative disguise that causes confusion to remember what we love that person at the first place, especially when both person still experiencing hurtful feeling time by time.
The danger behind forgetting what are you loving at is that, you focus your feeling more on other things instead of love. That's explain why people think that love doesn't exist after they involved in a relationship for a long time. Not because it never exist at all, but because they forgotten that love actually exist, but right now their feeling is focus on other things. What's more? The beautiful smile that make you fall in love in the first place might seems nothing special now, or maybe you felt like there is something wrong with him or her. That is, many of your view had changed and things are becoming more complicated in order to be happy in this relationship.
Relationships that turn into responsibility is one common situation where one or both person totally forgotten about what they suppose to love at. When one person contribute or have his or her commitment in a relationship for the sake of responsibility, he or she tend to treat things more like a job or something he or she should do, instead of something that they do to feel happy about it. If you willing to do something for the other half or for your own relationship, it's natural that you feel happy about it without any reason. It's not that commit and contribute for the sake of responsibility won't work in relationship, but as a human being, we are born to hope that we can be more happy and joyful in whatever we do, rather than doing things because "we need to do it". If you know what are you loving at, you know the exact reason to love what you are doing and you will be happy about it. Otherwise, you feel like you need to do everything to create a good result and if it's not, then you and other party is going to suffer.
Finally, you might not think that knowing what you loving at is important because you don't see how it can make everything to be better. If you are thinking in this way, you are focusing on the physical result that can be seen and measured but the main point behind this is a matter of mindset, and mindset is the main culprit behind all feeling and perception, which is something you really need to look through and understand that could make everything better, if you know how to use the right mindset to see and decide things.
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